Wrong but funny...

Sometimes bloggers do post some just plain wrong things - that doesn't mean it's not funny.
I hope I don't go straight to hell for re-posting this - shit, I already laughed so I might as well go for the boiling lava on my scrotum Hell vs. the needles under my fingernails Hell.


Lou Holtz was always meant to coach at Notre Dame Posted: Dec 29, 2007 9:59 PM

Reply
It doesn't have an "s" in it.
Aranthaw, N-thee sthate, and thouth Carolina were always a little problematic.
BTW it does not surprise me that he is sticking up for schlick rick nuhaithal

And Someone else posted this jewel...


Don't forget he has trouble with [1] Posted: Dec 29, 2007 10:01 PM

Reply
Ol' Mith
Mithithippi State
L th U

L th U - now that is funny as shit.............

Interesting Year....

I pulled this chain from Russ so here it goes:

1) How did you spend New Year's '07? I forget. I think we just hung out with friends in Roswell. I had just gotten back to town as me and Money went for asswhipping at the Music City Bowl then golf in Severevill, TN then The Goodies at Stella Blue in Asheville. I did whatever the Fiance wanted to make up for the trip.

2) How did you spend Valentiene's '07? I forget here too. I am sure we laid low...

3) Were you in school in '07? YES... Male Obedience School... Living without Testicles 301 was my favorite course. I had to graduate before the big day.

4) How did you earn your $ in '07? Talking to Rednecks. Making treaties with Indians. Land snatching in other words.

5) Did you go to the Hospital in '07? Of course... I try to get in shape and get back on the pitch and what do I do? Blow my ACL, MCL and damage more of the Miniscus. Hey, I played the last 4 games before having the surgery...

6) Did you have any encounters with the Police? Luckily, NO... This better not Jinx me.

7) Where did you travel in '07? Blowing Rock, NC to Ski; Montgomery, AL to see sis; all over middle Alabama for work (name a small town); all over south GA - Valdosta to Waycross, for work; St. Simons Isl.; Myrtle Beach for Morrissey, Birmingham for Morrissey; Charleston to see Momma and for Bachelor Party #1, Lake George and Saratoga, NY for Bachelor Party #2, Clemson for Football; and Savannah to see the new family and to get Married; finally, Negril, Jamaica for the Honeymoon.

8) Did you purchase anything > $1000 in '07? $1200 on body work on my car after having the front end torn off after hitting a dog on Easter Sunday. $1500 as my deductible for ACL surgery. And multiple thousands for the Honeymoon - Sandals ain't cheap BUT it was worth every penny.

9) Did anyone you know get married in '07? Uhhhh, me - to some girl...

10) Did anyone you know pass away in '07? Bro-in-laws' bro-in-law - good guy too. One of the Wife's co-workers - very sad. And I am positive there were others, friends of Momma's but cannot remember.

11) Biggest Surprise in '07? My birthday party AND that I, me, TKK, actually got married, I own a house that I try to do my own improvements on, and that we have talked - I repeat - talked about having a baby... All this and my head hasn't expoled yet - maybe that is the biggest surprise.

12) Did you Move in '07? No

13) What concerts did you go to in "07? Flogging Molly, Morrissey (3 times), Modern Skirts, David Dondero, The Goodies, Kristeen Young, Drizzle and the Worms. Supposed to go to Police but ACL surgury got in the way of that.

14) Registered to Vote? YES

15) Who did you want to win Dancing with the Stars? Who gave a shit??? I am still Reality TV FREE... My only purity.

16) Where do you live? Kennesaw - still breaking the law by not owning a gun.

17) Describe your Birthday? Surprise Party for the B-I-G 40... It was fun. I had no idea... Money took me to Golf, shit hammered, and everyone was at the house when I got home. Sher and the Connors came up from the Sav. We had FUN. Funniest picture to this day was TV doing a dance with the African Fertility Mask on...

18) What did you do that you thought you would never do in '07? Got Married...

19) Favorite Moment of '07? I would have to say, at the reception I gave a toast thanking all the family and friends for attending, a tribute to my Pop, and then screaming for Frank The Beer Man to bring me a Beer. (I can't go into details about Jamaica)

20) What did you Learn about yourself in '07? My Liver hurts and so does my body. Fuck Bob Vila, give me 6 months and I can complete a home improvement project. Also, my life is no longer about my life.

21) Any new additions to your family in '07? Yes, its official now.... 2 sets of In-Laws, 3, count em 3, Sisters-in-law, a new bro-in-law, and a nephew.... Bad thing is - their all Georgia Fans... Good God...

22) Best Month in '07? SUMMER.... Bachelor Parties in July, August and wedding/honeymoon in September... Then College Football....

23) What Music will you remember in '07? Kristeen Young, Morrissey hates Chastain, and Soulja Boy...

24) Best Drinking Buddy in '07? Well, that would be Money for the 12th straight years... We gotta slow down though... Oooof...

25) Favorite Night Out? I would have to say Tuesdays. I normally travel and this is my night in whatever town I may be in...

Now I'm a Target...

My excitement has been clouded with dread...

Today at Lunch I went to the local Tag Office to claim my Clemson University license plate. Woo Hoo. After a 2o minute wait, my number was called and I paid my outstanding balance of $25 and walked out with my plate...

As I was installing it in the parking lot, my smile evened out... Great... My days of neutrality are over... Thru my work travels, I have been able to win over people in Alabama by saying I am a Clemson fan and Danny Ford is a Bear Bryant disciple. Or Auburn people by saying Lewis Grizzard says Clemson is Auburn with a Lake. In Georgia, I just grin and shake my head when everyone wants to talk everything Dawgs. Now I cannot escape.

That's OK... I am proud to wear the paw on the Ack/Ack....

They're #2 - AGAIN!!!

I just got done watching the NCAA Men's Soccer National Championship Game. Wake Forest vs. Ohio St. Wake scored 2 second half goals to win 2-1 and capture their 1st Soccer National Championship. This will mark the 11th Title for the ACC since 1980. Not too shabby.

The thing that Kills me is Ohio State is my #1 team to hate. I hate them more than Norte Dame, more than South Carolina, more than Florida, more than BC, more than any team in the WAC. I just don't like them or their fans.

One thing that I respect though is the Brown Eye's have made it to the Championship game in 3 sports in 2007 but lost them all... Football, Basketball and now Soccer... I am glad their fans continue to have their guts torn out BUT I have to say- this was an impressive feat. Getting there and losing is better than sitting at home bitching about them being there.

Petrino - You Pussy!!!

Jesus... When it rains it pours... Vick got 23 months and now Petrino is jumping ship - with 3 games to go. Since when does a college job take precidence over a pro job.?.? I guess some people will do whatever it takes to get out of a bad situation... What a puss move. Falcons suck - we all know that, but Vick gets sentenced, Fal-con's get their asses handed to them on MNF on national TV and now the coach quits. This is bullshit. If I was a season ticket holder I would demand a FULL REFUND!!!

Petrino is hauling ass when the going gets tough? What the hell is he going to do at Arkansas??? What will he do when both McFadden and Jones go pro? Dick is a shitty qb. Is he going to whine to the Prez and say, you promised me McFadden?

Good luck shithead.

Takin' it in the can for 23 months...

Well, the verdict came back today on Michael Vick, affectionately nicknamed ConVick, and he was sentenced to 23 months in jail. No wonder he wanted to start serving early.

The only defense I have for Mike is, this is the only thing on his record... It is despicable, haneous, and unforgivable but legally, this is the first thing he has gotten busted for - that I know of... (Money made his water bottle incident go away.) If he would have gotten 1 year, you could argue, that was an acceptable sentence. From what I heard on ESPN Radio today, Vick was treated like a 2nd class citizen, he was not allowed to wear a suit to court - he had on the old fashioned black and white striped jumper, and the Judge was a crotchedy old white man looking to make an example out of him. I hope it works.

Vick is over... He'll never play another snap in the NFL... I hope that younger players see what happened to one of the highest paid athletes in the US and they modify their future actions accordingly.

The verdict is still out on that.

Hang 'Em By Their Feet First....

I know it is wrong but that is the first thing I though of when I read the headline "Gamecock has Throat Slashed"... The next thing I thought of was - "Did Clemson kick their ass in Fencing too?"

OK, OK, call me an asshole. I normally do not condone, nor wish violence on innocent victims. I am not sure how this came about but I do not think it was as random as that Redskins guy. The article ( http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/news/story?id=3147934 ) is very vague.

I hope this guy gets well and we wish him a speedy recovery. We are accustomed to the Gamecocks choking but not actually bleeding out.

It's Legal Now - where do I get it...?

Absynthe - the green spirit that has been Illegal in the US for almost 100 years has now been approved for US consumption. I just saw a clip on MSN network and it says that there are a number of distilleries producing this elixer but I have not seen it in the liquor stores.

Ugh. I almost feel compelled to find it, buy a bottle- just to have.

After the bachelor party, I was glad we killed a couple bottles but was disappointed at the non-hallucinogenitc effect it had on us. I mean, I initially felt a heightening of my senses but that subsided in <30 min. I drank all night from there.

What I don't want to happen is for Absynthe to become the "new shot" at college bars across the land. Jaeggermiester went from being a taboo shot when I was in college to a 3 bottle chilling maching tap from hell that kids think nothing of. Back in the day it was debated what was in Jaeggermeister and everyone would say - it's made withe coco leaves. Well, Coca-Cola was originally made with coco leaves as well.

I don't know what is in Absynthe but I know it tastes bad, even when properly prepared: sugar cube melted and strained thru a slotted spoon with water. Will college kids take the time to properly dillute this drink? Bartenders already hate making mojito's, wait until they have to melt a sugar cube.

Good for Absynthe - be careful America.

The Drought is Almost Over...

I heard this today on 680 the Fan on Buck and Kincaid,

"An announcement just came in from the Governor's office - the drought is almost over due to all the crying the Georgia Fans are doing that LSU jumped them in the polls."

Shit... That's Funny- I don't care who you are.

"Most" of the Georgia fans I have encountered have the BCS selections in the right perspective BUT listening to the radio - the masses are totally clueless. LSU won the SEC Championship and everyone should understand that. Unfortunately they did not play Georgia in the regular season/nor the Championship game but that is UGa's fault. People live to bitch but this one is a no win situation.

NOW, what should have happened is UGa should be going to the Rose Bowl to play USC. That would be a great game, good payout, and would further the UGa legacy. Playing Hawaii ain't going to do shit for your program.... Now, losing to Hawaii will hurt it immensely so my only suggestion is to pound the shit out of them. Richt is that kind of guy, pound the QB in the 1st Quarter and he'll be skiddish for the rest of the game. UGa should easily out physical them...

Upon further review....

Uh... I am not as excited... Clemson has a 2-4 record at the Peach Bowl. 0-1 vs. Auburn at the Peach Bowl. I am 2-2. The Wife is 1-0 so she will HAVE to go.

He first College football game was the 2004 Peach Bowl, when the unranked Clemson Tigers defeated the #6 ranked Tennessee Volunteers 27-14 in the longed goddam football game ever played. Nothing but passing so it took forever. Therefore, we drank our faces off. Wanna know how drunk we were? We remembered seeing one of my friends and his wife during one of our beer runs but the next day and next week we say, I wish we would have seen Johnny Boy at the game, too bad we didn't see Johnny Boy. I go to 1 hr photo mat to get the pix developed and there are 12 pictures of Johnny Boy sitting on my lap, wife sitting on his lap, group pictures, toasts, etc. He was there for most of the 4th Q and we didn't remember.

That was funny.

We Got a Lake...

Or, what's left of one....

So, the brilliant bastards of the BCS have announced all the Bowl Games and Clemson will be coming to the ATL to face Auburn at the Chic-fil-a (Peach) Bowl. (At least the chicfila people didn't name the bowl the Dwarf House Bowl - there would be midget wrastlin' goin on at the Dome.) Taken from a quote by Lewis Grizzard "Clemson is Auburn, with a Lake". I always like pointing that out to the WarTigerbirds from South Opelika.

This looks to be one of the BETTER Bowl Games. Good matchup. Their offense has struggled, as has our defence and their defence is good and should match up well against our offense.

I am sure that I will be picking this game apart as the weeks Drag on but on the surface the other games I will try to watch are:

Hawaii Bowl- Boise St. vs. East Carolina - Go Pirates
Champs Sports Bowl- Boston College vs. Michigan St., BC should win but dickboy was a Spartan
Mieneke Bowl- UConn vs. Wake Forest - if the UConn coach is there, they destroy Wake
Alamo Bowl - Penn St. vs. Texas A&M - I could give a shit here but this will be a good game
Fiesta Bowl - Oklahoma vs. West Virginia - Definitely going to watch this one.

The that's about it.

I will probably channel surf my way thru the rest. I will watch Georgia grind Hawaii into a pulp. Virginia Tech is going to KILL Kansas. Missouri won't be able to stop McFadden and he will solidify his Heisman as Arkansas rolls. Texas Tech will score 50 on Virginia if they can block Howie Long's son. Who knows what will happen...

Not very intriguing. I like LSU but really, really hate Ohio St. I hope they kill 'em and could care less if i watch the game. Last year I barely paid attention...

By the time the Bowls are over, Clemson should be 15-0, or so, in basketball and just starting ACC play. That should keep me interested - until we start dropping games...

I am just glad Notre Dame is not in a bowl this year - how did Alabama sneak in? They are 6-6 and dropped their last 4 games in a row. Is Satan, oops I mean Saban, that important. They should have put Alabama vs. South Carolina and at 1/2 time they should make Saban and Visor Boy cage fight at midfield since the coaches are what people want to see and the team is secondary.

I am excited about the Peach Bowl but am unsure of what to do after the games since Buckhead is gone now. Jesus, after the 1993 Peach Bowl, when Clemson beat Kentucky 14-13 on a last second TD, me and Barney (from the Promised Land of Little Mountain, SC) went to Buckhead. What a night. Barney laid in the middle of Pharr Road (I think) and blocked all traffic before I realized he just wanted to sleep there at 11:30pm. We had to find a Bar and Jeff Blauser's bar, Orchestra Pit, was packed and not letting anyone in. So, we went to the Acme. Wow. We push our way to the bar, I prop Barney onto chair and post up. This group of guys wearing sports coats and buzz cuts are next to us raising hell. They were Marines out of Paris Island. We had a blast until one of the Priviates orders a round of beers, some chuckle head reaches thru the Marines and takes one of their new beers. The Marine politely grab his arm and tells him that those are their beers. He says FUCK YOU!.. Politely he tells him to give it back. Guy says "You want it that bad -" S M A S H. I hear/see the explosion of the beer bottle against the side of the Marienes head. The Lt. grabs the guy immediately and, since you can take the boy out of North Chuck - you can't take the North Chuck out of the boy, I grab the chuckle head by the hair and give him 5-6 quick, fast and solid knees to the head. The rest of the platoon grabs me and pulls this dude away and they fall to the floor, blood, beer and this guys face hits the floor. In < 15 seconds it's over and the bouncers are kicking people out - just him... Bartender saw the whole thing, checked on the Marine that got the bottle smashed on the side of his head and he just had a cut on his ear. He got a shot of Tequila drank 1/2 and poured the other 1/2 on his ear and we were best friends for the rest of the night. All his platoon buddies felt guilty that they weren't the guys beating the shit out of this guy so they all bought me drinks for the rest of the night. Bartender uses me as the launching pad for all the Champagne, so I pass out about 40 bottles to eveyone and Barney and I have our own bottles and he snaps out of his drunken stupor and asks - What's going on??? What did I miss? Nothing Barney - Happy New Year brother! He missed the whole thing. (I haven't talked to him in about 4 years - I should look him up.)

Long Live Evel...

The Sean Taylor story is sad but the more compelling Sports figure death has just occurred.

Evel Knievel - dead at 69...

Whoda thunk he would live this long? I tell you what though, he was fucking awesome back in the 1970's. Evel MADE Wide World of Sports. Those Sunday afternoons in the summer we were glued to the TV.

I even had a white HUFFY bike with a red, white and blue stripes and stars and a motorcycle padded seat. It was awesome. I remember going to the park and jumping cans and whiping out dramatically - just like Evel.

I say they should take his ashes and sprinkle them in the Snake River in Idaho, the site of his ill fated rocket launch.... (I always wondered, how the fuck was he going to land in that thing - nose first like a lawn dart? He woulda been dead instantly. Maybe that was the goal.)

My youth and the idols thereof are slowy dying off....

NFL Network is here to stay...

I hate to say it but from what I saw last night - the NFL Network will do nothing but grow in importance. Within 10 years, the NFL Network will have the bulk of the games and the traditional networks will get the scraps.

ESPN started this 15 or so yrs ago by starting to air Sunday night games. These games were usually shitty teams, Detroit, Atlanta, Cleveland, San Diego, Minnesota, that weren't normally aired and they put out the game. The Sunday games got progressively better AND better hyped by ESPN. ESPN has had the Monday night game for a couple years now and they do what they do. They won't shut up about the damn game. They start Monday Night Countdown at 3pm for an 8 pm game EVERY week. The games have sucked (ex: Pitt v Miami) but people watch. Over 200 million households have cable and thus ESPN, so you are, in essence, paying to watch the game.

The NFL network started a few years ago and the wife's stepfather watches it 22 hrs a day. He loves it. NFL all day and all night. Now they have started airing a couple games. Games picked at the begining of the season so it is "kinda" the luck of the draw. They had no idea that Green Bay and Dallas would both be 10-1 this late in the season. They were probably licking their chops in the board room of their $10Billion company and saying HELL YEA... Around 31 million people have the NFL network, mostly Dish/satellite customers. So, what did people have to do last night? Either find a buddy that has the dish OR go to a Bar and watch it.

I was coming home after 3 days in Valdosta and called Money about the game. Sure, come on over to his local sports bar. Well we sit down, begin to order a beer but first ask, where is the Dallas game. Waitress said, "Our cheapass boss didn't pay the additional $5 per month so we don't have the Network" We got up, apologized, and left. (There goes another one, she was thinking). We go to the new Taco Mac on Chastain. We thought, this is a new bar-no one will know about it, well, we were dead wrong. That place was packed and not prepared for the people. It was then off to Sidelines, we got a table and girl took our order finally... Took 20-30 minutes to get a bucket of Bud. That's 5 beers in a bucket-add ice, and it proved to be an ordeal. We witnessed 1 table get up and walk out without ever being served. Needless to say, they were not prepared either.

If this was any indication, I bet the Bars got more business than they ever dreamed of. When we left in the 3rd period we spied at least 10 kids under 10 still at the bar.

I think we can say - the NFL Network will continue to grow and this is just our 1st indication. I have said it before, and think it could be more of a reality - if most of the games aren't going to be on the NFL Network, they will be Pay-Per-View. That's it... Get ready...

College football may be on this path with more and more people getting the College Ticket so you can see all the Big 10 games or WAC or ACC or whatever. Dickboy bought it when he lived here so he could see Mich St games... Pay Per View. This is gonna suck.

I already hate myself because I will be the old guy telling the young kids "Son, I remember when we only got 3 channels and watching the Super Bowl was FREE."

7-2 in ACC/Big 10 Challenge

WoW. The ACC is totally dominating the ACC / Big 10 Challenge again this year: 5 to 1.

My beloved Tigers took on the Perdon'ts (new word stolen from Colin Cowherd) and we were able to give up the lead just to come back and win with less than 1 min left. Clemson is now on a 6 year winning streak in this matchup. Pretty soon we will be playing the Indianas...

Unfortunately I missed the end of the game. I went out to dinner here in Valdosta and I was pleasantly surprised "The Blue Cafe" on N. Patterson St. hand an excellent, yet small, menu. I start with an appetizer of a Bud and a Jack Daniels Single Barrel on the rocks (Hopefully this is one of the bottles of Jack that Russ bathed in on his tour of the distillery). Now warmed up, I ordered the grilled chicken breast with a pommegranite/mango chutney and a Stella. YUM... The sides were small, mexican corn and limas with red pepper, so I mixed them together and made an excellent succotash - sufferin succotash. After dinner I inquired about a Port for dessert, ummm, that was too much to ask. This quaint little place did not have and the bartender looked at me like a deer in headlights. OK, how about a Grand Maunyea. What? Some Grand Mar-in-er, oh yea, we got that. Idiot.

Stopped at the 7-11 and got a couple 22oz beers and watched the 1st half of the game. As the 2nd half began i was getting tired but wanted to ensure I got a good night sleep. Took a Melatonin around the 6 minute mark and that was it. Done. Out. Holy Shit. I slept hard, woke up at 3 to turn off the lights and tv and didn't wake up again until 7:30... I needed that.

Waking up to another victory was nice as well.

5 more years......

Well, visor boy, got a big raise and contract extension last year after breaking the 4 year string of losing to the hated Tigers. Now it's Tommy's turn. Congrats to Tommy Bowden. Good for him. Not sure how I feel about a 5 yr extension (i was thinking more like 3 with some stiff expectations) but this wasn't my call.

I like Tommy. Houston Nutt would have fit in nicely. That UConn coach would be good too. I don't dislike change but I don't want to settle... If we can do better - we should. Keeping Tommy now shifts the scruitiny to the OC... We continually tried to pass against BC when they have the worst rushing defense in the country. We continually passed vs the coots when their rushing defense has looked terrible in previous games. We tried to run all day vs. the N.A.T.S. and they stopped us and we stopped trying to pass once our receivers proved they couldn't catch that day. We do need something to change. I want an OC that has aspirations of becoming a Head Coach - someone who will go for the jugular.

We'll see what the off season brings...

A New Steak Starts...

What a game Saturday night. The Clemson Tigers almost snatched defeat from the jaws of victory BUT were able to drive the ball, in a terrible clock management 2-Minute Offense, and kick a field goal as time expired...

Clemson 23 - Carolina 21

Thank you Jesus, Allah, Jim Jones, Charles Manson, David Koresh, Hare Krishna, and Buddah....

The well chronicled rivalry between Clemson and Carolina has another chapter complete. Visor Boy won the coaching battle but, my opinion, the Tigers were a better team. Visor Boy is frustrated with his team's effort but Carolina has some exceptional players: Norwood, Boyd, that wide receiver #11, and even Blake Mitchell, but they didn't have the full package. Injuries hurt their secondary and we picked it apart on the final drive. #11 surpassed Sterling Sharpe's receiving record of 74 and I thought Bob Davie wanted to blow the guy. Aaron Kelly set the Clemson single season receiving record of 80 (and he has >1000 yds) and the announcers didn't even mention it. Way to go AK80. Maybe Davie was auditioning to be the new lamecock coach once visor boy leaves.

CAROLina hasn't beaten Clemson in back to back years since the 3 game skid from 1968-70 and we kept that streak alive. Clemson is 10-1 in Columbia since 1989, no home field advantage there. Clemson had won 4 in a row up until the 2006 loss and now the new streak begins. I will concede 1 loss every 5 years. But in other rivalries: Georgia has won 7 in a row against the North Avenue Trade School (Ga. Tech) and Aubur has now won 6 in a row vs. Alabama, Texas A&M finally beat Texas, I learned the Army v. Navy rivalry is almost 50-50, and who really cared about Missouri v. Kansas?-especially since Oklahoma is going to beat the shit out of Mizz in the championship game. I also learned this week why the Big 10's season is already over - there is 2" of snow on the ground in Detroit... No wonder they are done by the middle of Nov. Another 55 days off for Ohio State and they will get their ass whipped again.

The game almost gave me a heart attack but I will take the Win over our hated rivals. The Bowl selection is next. We should get a decent bowl but will wait and see where it all shakes out. Carolina is not ineligible for a bowl but I would be very disappointed if Clemson risked a losing season by going into a Bowl game at .500. This is how we know there are too many Bowls. Southern Mississippi has already been invited to the Papa John's Bowl. They have a winning record - that should be the minimal criteria: 7-5 gets you in, 6-6 doesn't. After we whipped Carolina's ass twice in the same game, in the fight and on the scoreboard a few years back; Clemson was 6-5 and used a self-imposed sanction against itself and declined all Bowl invitations. Carolina did the same. Pride and Self - Respect lived that year, let's see what happens this year.

Bulletin Board Material....

Normally I do the shit talking but in this case I will let my coach... I was in Aiken today enjoying my Thanksgiving Day when I read the Aiken Standard newspaper. The Sports page was literally 3 pages long but it was ALL about the Clemson/Carolina game. (Aiken has always been a neutral to USC leaning city in the state, close to Columbia but rural enough to have somewhat of a Clemson following.)

I cannot remember the headline but it was something like "Bowden wants rivalry nationally recognized." I thought this was an interesting headline, so I read it. It spoke of the fact that the Clemson vs. Carolina rivalry game is just not as big a game as Michigan vs. Ohio St. / Ga. v. Fla. / Auburn v. Ala. / Fla. v. Fla. St. and he would like it to get to that level. (So do I.)

Then I read about his reasoning... He stated when he came to Clemson he was told he had to HATE USC and everything about them... (an understood philosophy - visor boy was told the same thing about Clemson). Tommy said because of this he originally wanted USC to come into the game with an 0-10 record and he would have a chance to make them 0-11. He stateed that HE NO LONGER FEELS THIS WAY. He stated that the only way that this rivalry will gain in popularity and importance on a National stage is if BOTH teams are playing at a high level. Unfortunately, this is not the case....

C'mon Carolina get better.... That's his message.... He wants you to put this on the Bulletin Board. This year we did not have to have an email campaign or worry about the game being picked up by ESPN but there has been years that "we" didn't know if the game would be aired... We need the Country to see this game as the Rivalry that it is. Danny Ford's infamous quote (no not, "You dumb sonsabitches," on national tv vs. Maryland.) "It's Just A Game - a game that affects EVERYONE in the state of South Carolina." is a great moniker for the game. Except for the ass whipping game (I won't mention the score) the last few games have been close and good entertainment.

We need people all over the country to care about this game and how it will affect their teams' Bowl Births - not just because people tune in just because they Hate Visor Boy.

Reese just BUSTED Holtz....

DAMN... Normally the pussies from ESPN go out of their way not to offend each other but it is 1/2 time at USC v. Az St. Reese Davis, Mark May and Holtz were telling what they were thankful for on this day.

Mark May had some good points, blah blah, I hate him.

Holtz then took over and he thanked GOD that he was at ESPN and allowed to stay apart of the game. Then he stated he was thankful that his son, Skip, was still in coaching at East Carolina and I had no idea that ECU had only been to 1 previous Bowl Game but may make it to one this year. (Good for ECU, Go butt Pirates. Those people are crazy. They should be in the Big East not Conf USA - what a waste.)

Reese Davis then BLASTS Holtz and says - well one thing you should be thankful for working here is you do not go home with another LOSS... Ohhhh SNAP. Was that a shot at Holtz or at USC or B O T H.?.?.? Poor old man... USC almost killed him...

Just think of the jokes and commentary we would have if SKIP Holtz would have taken over for his father as was originally dreamed by the Carolina faithful... (He got fired to save his daddy's job, yeah yeah, but that was the plan.

Interesting Stat.

I saw this tonight:

Clemson is one of six programs nationally ranked in the top 25 of the AP college football and men's basketball polls:
School (FB-BB)
Kansas (2nd-4th)
Oregon (9th-12th)
Texas (13th-15th)
Virginia (16th-23rd)
Tennessee (19th-7th)
Clemson (21th-24th)

But unlike many of the other schools on this list (except maybe Texas) I would much rather say I could care less if we were EVER ranked in basketball for the rest of my life in exchange for a consistently good / BCS calibre Football program.

Where's the Devil - I would sell my Basketball Soul (since I don't really have one) for an elite football program.

What the Hell...

What a totally messed up game Saturday night. I cannot even formulate comprehensible sentences to describe my frustration. Terrible play calling will kill you every time. Only having scored 7 points in the 1st half I knew we were in for trouble.
We start the 2nd half with an interception and that didn't help.
Matt Ryan had another one of his "drives" and took the lead with 1.46 left.
Cullen tried to match it but big time receivers make big time catches and Aaron Kelly had the game winning TD pass bounce off his hands with <30 seconds left.
(That shit will happen to mediocre teams)
Taking a sack for the last play is unacceptable... What the hell...
Missing a 54 yarder isn't that kids fault, he shouldn't have been put in that place.

My big concern now is that Visor Boy has had and extra week to prepare for the tigers. It may get ugly in Columbia BUT I still don't think they have the juice to take us. We shall see...

They gave me the drugs - I might as well take 'em...

So yesterday was the big day. ACL, MCL and Meniscus repair. My surgery was scheduled for 3pm, so be there by 1pm to check in. We do as told... I didn't get taken until after 6pm. Out of surgery around 8 and home after 9...

That is bullshit.

I feel OK I guess, puked once when i got home, didn't sleep much, but today has been OK. Just tired as hell.

The hydromorphone is kicking in, gonna doze off now.

Do we all have to line up to Kiss Sonny's Ass???

Sonny Perdue prays for rain - and it rains...

I was definitely opposed to this public display to a higher power. Making a spectacle of this situation and bringing ridiculous attention to our predicament BUT it worked.
It RAINED LIKE HELL at my house last night.

Say what you want - it worked, but briefly.

Most people in N.GA have been praying for rain on their own accord for the last few months, except for that cocksucker on Thunderbird Ln that uses 1/2 million gallons of water a month.

Praying ain't enough though Sonny. Do something asshole.

Big Weekend Coming Up....

I haven't talked alot of Clemson Tiger football shit this season. I haven't because, after the GT and VT, games I don't know what team will show up.

Over the last couple weeks though - the Tigers have been playing well. Balanced attack, running and passing. Good Defense. Decent special teams.

This weekend the Tigers control their fate... Beat BC and win their side of the ACC and get a trip to their 1st ACC Championship Game - then a BCS Bowl Game...
WOW.

Issue is.... Can we do it? We haven't beaten BC since they joined the ACC. This would be the year though. BC has looked vulnerable over the last 2 weeks. Can we break thru?

I was posed an interesting question today "What would you rather do - Beat BC and go to the ACC Championship Game OR Beat South Carolina? Hmmm. My answer is both or neither.

Win Both and we could be unstoppable.

Win neigher and we finish 8-4 again and no one will be happy...

We shall see.

Beat BC!!!

Damn Derilect Tissue Donors!

About 3 1/2 weeks ago I got creamed playing soccer by 2 guys that hit me at the same time. Bammm, and I drop like a stone. Ohhhh Shit. I am on the ground, am I ok, they fucked my knee up, can I move, get up Kevin, don't be a pussy. I make my way to the sidelines and determine that nothing is broken BUT my knee hurts. I play a limited amount in the 2nd half and the next week Boingoingoing my knee blows up. It is >2x the size of my right knee and I can barely walk down the stairs on Monday and Tuesday.
I took the next week off waiting to go see the Dr. but JESUS, getting an appointment is a pain in the ass. While I wait, the swelling goes down. Hmmm, should I play or not? What the fuck - I keep playing. See the Dr. he tries to get me scheduled for an MRI and that is like an act of congress. I play in the next game also. Bad thing about playing soccer and not knowing what is wrong with my knee is the recovery period. I can barely make it thru the whole game THEN Monday, Tues and Wednesday I am miserable and my knee is all swollen. Thursday the swelling goes down and I get ready to play that weeks game.

So, I have played in 3 games this way and finally go see my Dr. today. Damn Kevin, here's your problem - the first MRI x-ray he puts on the screen shows a gnarled mass where my smoothe allograph tendon should be. OH, is it torn? I can't tell if it is torn but it definitely has a tear and the tissue has frayed - like cutting a rope. And, here is some Medial Collateral Ligament damage AND you probably have quite a bit of Miniscus damage and that is where your swelling and pain comes from. That's what concerns me Kev, I took out so much of your Miniscus last time I don't want to take out too much more.

Damn..

OK, lets get the surgery scheduled. Do you want to use my own tissue this time since the cadaver tissue tore? Um, definitely not Kev!!! I am going to find an Achilles tendon to put in you so that you never have to have this surgery again. OK Doc, want me to go hunt down Evander Holleyfield or Michael Vick and extract theirs'?

We'll see what kind of quality Achilles he can find. I just do not have much confidence since the people that earn that $75 for donating their bodies probably aren't the pictures of health and are probably NOT world class athletes (like me). I will probably get Crack Whore Conrad's achilles who got a cramp while brewing a batch of Meth. I can hardly wait.

This should be interesting... Did I mention that my Insurance changes at the end of the month? That's another story.

Steeeeerike 3...

What the hell? Hollywood/New York are on Strike? This is bullshit... I do not want to burdened with re-runs for the next four months (well, that wouldn't be much different from what I watch now - CSI re-runs and Sports)

I have a solution - the Entertainment industry needs to go the way of the Automobile industry... Move South...

Now I am not saying that the political commentary for the Daily Show or Colbert Report would be quite as whitty but hell - Jeff Foxworthy, Larry White, Bill Engvall, and Larry the Cable Guy have all made millions in Dixie.

What kills me is the story I read that Tina Fey is picketing her own show. That is bullshit. Where is the line drawn? Isn't the "Talent" moved into Management positions that aren't covered by the union? Is she showing solidarity - or being a bitch? If I was the Network I would not be happy about my "talent" taking a position.

Speaking of the "Talent" - why can't they write the fucking shows? Are they all just talking heads? Most of them started as writers and moved up to "talent" (John Stewart, Colbert, everyone on SNL, Fey, etc...)

With the number of channels out there, maybe Hollywood will be relegated like Hockey. You don't want to play ball with the American public. Go Fuck yourself. We can do without.

Reality shows don't need writers. Neither do sports - and any Monkey can write the script for SportsCenter.

No Cursing?!?! - No Fucking Way....!

Now this is funny. The NCAA has passed a rule that Basketball coaches that come onto the court or curse while coaching will be hit with Technical Fouls with NO WARNING... What??? No Cursing in Basketball? That's like saying, no dribbling in basketball, or no cornrows in basketball... It is totally ridiculous and unenforceable....

These coaches have taking "Working the Ref's" into an artform. It is beautiful to see Bobby Knight going crazy, Coach K has a spotless reputation but he cusses those goddamn refs relentlessly. Jim Valvano was my favorite. He was very creative and let the expletives flow like I had never seen before...

March Madness may be relabled March Lameness since this important aspect of the tournament will be missing. I can hardly wait until a team loses a game because their coach goes crazy with no time left and the other team gets to shoot 2 freethrows to win the game....

Information - NOT!!!

Tonight I did something I don't do - I called 411 from my cell phone while driving.
I was looking to make some tee times at the City Club of Marietta for this weekend. The first operator told me they could find no listing and transferred me to the problem solving line. 2nd operator asked "City Club of Mariettta?" Yes. What about Marietta City Club? Whatever, I say. Sorry sir we have no listing. WHHHAAAATTT??? I have played golf there 8 times. I say "Excuse me ma'am, if you do a Google search it will come right up, could you give me their number, I am driving."
BITCH responds "I'm sorry sir, this is Information NOT the Internet."
"Ummm, I hear you typing on a computer, can't you Google City Club of Marietta."
"No sir, this is information, not the internet"
"Ummm Obviously not, do you suggest I wait until I get in front of my own computer to find the number?"
One word anser.
"YES"
And the fucking bitch hung up on me.....
Holy Shit... What a cuntrag!!!
Guess what - I Google - City Club of Marietta and I go right to their website.
What a fucking bitch. I woulda called back to complain but that would have cost me another $1.49 and I would have spoken to another incompetent asshole.
Tomorrow I may call Cingular or the lowercase "att" and complain and spend 45 minutes on the phone to get the $`1.40 charge taken off. OR, I might just go outside and catch a $20 bill on fire and watch it burn - that would give me more pleasure in a short amount of time than going thru all the menu's to talk to someone who will say "Well this is att wireless and you were talking to att information and we cannot be responsible for another att department." My brain might explode since I spent 8 years in the orgainization...
I also need to complain that my automatic download text messages of the Clemson football scores are coming thru 4 times per quarter. That works out fine when we win 70-14 but when we lose to the North Avenue Trade School, or the Virginia Dorks that survived the massacre, it really sucks. Those $0.10's are adding up...

Goodies RULE!!!!

So, I play golf on Friday and we don't even turn in our score card... I can't document the events of the day to protect the guilty but what an F'd up day. I am sketchy on my own actions that day but I do remember stealing a plate with 4 hamburgers on it from the Chateau Elan grill, then eating 2 or 3 of the burgers then spiking the plate on the ground in some random parking lot. Why? I have no idea.

We get home around 6pm. I leave Money's house and say I will be back there by 9:45pm to go to Smiths Olde Bar... The Goodies were playing.

I get over to Money's house and his ass is passed out. He gets up, showers, and it is ON. We get to Smith's, now comes the decision - do I really want to drink. Of course- but in moderation. I go upstairs and catch the "Rockin' Pontoons" - ha, they would be good if they were set adrift on a pontoon boat in Lake Hartwell, down past LA (lower Anderson). The Goodies came on EARLY, about 11:30. That is the first, non opening start time that I can remember. WOW did they kick ass...! This was one of the best Goodies shows I have ever seen! I had a blast. I just hope it isn't their last show for another year. Who knows, Holiday turned 35 at mid-night and he thinks he is old now.

Got home around 2. SHIT, the Clemson game is at noon... Got up at 6:30 so we could get on the road and go the the blowout... I have been dead tired since.

King Richard

Know what I did Thursday night???

I worked diligently on my bathroom and am almost ready to install the sink.

I made an incredible concoction that I still do not have a name for yet in preparation for my first golf tournament for team Fokker @ Chateau Elan. Let's see, Pint of Bacardi 151, a 5th of Stoli vodka, a 5th of Captain Morgan, 1 750ml of Midori, 4 shots of Peach Schnapps, 1 shot Triple Sec, and 5 shots Three Olives Vodka-Grape flavor, 1/2 gallon of Orange Juice, 6 little cans of Pineapple, 2 Red Bulls, 1 Diet Rock Star, 8 oz of Tonic. I split the mix into 4 Gatorade bottles so everyone would have one and then brought the excess for refills.... Oooof.

While making this drink, guess what was on TV? HBO had a 1978 concert by Richard Pryor. Holy Shit. This was probably the 3rd time I had seen this concert but it has been >10 years since I had seen this one. Damn, his comedy is timeless. It was great too because it was filmed "before" he blew himself up... It was almost 2am before it was over but I laughed as hard the other night as I did the first time I saw this concert when I was in the 8th Grade.
Rest in Peace Richard! You were the GREATEST.

Beware of those dirty rednecks...

I heard about this story on Friday and finally read about it today... All I can say is HA!!! This totally shows how utterly in contempt that those assholes in Washington hold the every day American in. They thing "WE" might infect them with cooties or something.

I have been to 6 Busch Series races, the Sunday NASCAR races have too many damn people there, and I gotta say that race fans are different than your normal football game. I guess it may be a cross section closely resembling a Georgia game but take the red to another level. There is nothing wrong with these people, don't get me wrong. If the politicians would do their research, NASCAR has the fans with the highest income level: studies say the average fan makes over $70K BUT they don't tend to be white collar fans. That means you can make some killer jack in construction, or in an auto plant or being a mechanic. Nothing wrong with that. These politicians are idiots.

Here's the Article:

NASCAR Flap Raises Caution Flag for Dems
By MIKE BAKER, Associated Press Writer
Sun Oct 14, 3:29 PM

The field takes the green flag for the start ...
RALEIGH, N.C. - It got the GOP's engines revving _ a Democratic official suggesting staffers get immunized for several diseases before heading south from Washington and into the Red State wilds of NASCAR country to conduct research at a pair of races.
The reaction on both sides illustrates just how valuable candidates for elected office consider the votes of NASCAR fans who pack grandstands by the thousands every weekend and the donations of business leaders who spend millions to sponsor the sport.
It started last month, when an official with the House Committee on Homeland Security suggested that staff aides get immunizations before visiting health facilities at Alabama's Talladega Superspeedway and North Carolina's Lowe's Motor Speedway, where the Bank of America 500 was run Saturday.
In an e-mail, a staffer who works for committee chairman Rep. Bennie Thompson, D-Miss., noted an "unusual need for whomever attending to be vaccinated against hepatitis A and B," as well as "the more normal things _ tetanus, diphtheria, and of course, seasonal influenza."
The note didn't explain why the committee saw such concern. It didn't mention NASCAR or the races at the tracks at all. But the implication was enough to draw a snarky complaint from Republican Rep. Robin Hayes, whose district includes Lowe's Motor Speedway.
"I have never heard of immunizations for domestic travel, and ... I feel compelled to ask why the heck the committee feels that immunizations are needed to travel to my hometown," wrote Hayes.
Thompson responded to Hayes that such immunizations are "are recommended for public safety professionals working in areas such as hospitals, holding areas and similar locations." But the staffers were only scheduled to visit a few health care facilities _ not work at them.
"What do they know about NASCAR that we don't?" said Dr. David Weber, a professor of medicine and public health at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.
Weber said everyone should be up to date on standard vaccinations, he but saw no need for special vaccinations to visit a health care facility or a NASCAR event. Debbie Crane, a spokeswoman for the North Carolina Department of Health and Human Services, said such shots are recommended for "general health" for all adults _ but not for any specific circumstance.
"The very idea of immunization is laughable," said Lowe's Motor Speedway President Humpy Wheeler. "It's like taping your ankles to go to the mailbox."
He noted that no NASCAR event has ever sparked an outbreak _ "other than a few headaches because somebody's favorite driver ran out of gas, or maybe a morning hangover."

Smarties - me nOt fiNk seW

What is the fucking obsession with these little candies??? I am in my hotel in lovely Waycross, GA and they have a punkin bucket of candy out and I have snagged 8 sleeves of Smarties.

I haven't eaten any of these in about 2 years and it brings back so many bland memories... This has probably been the #1 Halloween candy over the years since I stopped going to the old ladies that gave out the all Orange and all Black candies (I think they were peanut butter/caramel candies and I HATED them.)

It all comes back to me know - I hate these damn Smarties candies!!! They are pure sugar without much flavor. The white ones taste like sweet chalk and only the pink ones are tart. Yiiick. I tested 5 of these sleeves during the football game and determined -I don't care if I ever have any more of these candies for the rest of my life - but will take the remaining 3 sleeves with me tomorrow for the ride back to ATL - just in case I go into Diabetic shock.

Squids vs. Eat Shit Pitt

Whoda thunk this would be one of the best college football games of the year.?.?
Good for the Squids - Beat Notre Dame.

Up Your Nose and Up Your Ass - NOT the Tailgate I want to go to!

Disturbing alcohol related stories that just make me shake my head....
#1
Prince Harry has been busted snorting Vodka. That's right, SNORTING Vodka. Ummm, Ouch, Ewww, and Gag. Apparently this is the rage in the UK... They gave us Punk Rock but can keep this crazy habit. No thank you! But that's why you snort coke, not drink it, You get a quicker buzz up your nose...

Talk about a weird way to catch a buzz -

#2
I just read that a woman has been acquitted of assisted murder in the alcohol poisoning death of her husband. Her husband died with a 0.47 blood alcohol content. You may ask - was she forcing shots down his throat??? NO!!!! She was giving him Sherry enemas! ENEMAs of Sherry. Sherry tastes like shit by mouth, why would you stick it up your ass? Why Sherry Enemas? She states that was his request and it was his priviate passion and a new, more effective way to get drunk. Uhhh-no thanks, my Miller High Life tastes just fine as I swallow another gulp.

People are fucked up....
We had a little brother of a girl in HS who used to drink cologne and I thought that was extreme, not anymore...

BEER Wars???

What is the world coming to? I read this morning that Miller Brewing Co. will be joining forces in North America with Molson/Coors in a bid to combat the evil forces of Budweiser.

WHAT? That's ridiculous in my book.

Miller has about 20% market share and Coors has 11%, while Budweiser has almost 50% of the US Beer market. I knew they were big but damn, 50%. I didn't major in math but this would only put the Miller/Coors venture at 31%. Yes, that's big BUT 50% is huge. I now wonder what the joined forces of Miller/Coors do to bridge the gap. I know Miller is guilty of purchasing smaller breweries and forcing them out of business (One of my favorite Microbrews was Cellis from Texas - they are gone now after being bought by Miller) These big boys will always have their market share and won't really be able to make up ground - the product is the produt and in the US MARKETING is a deciding factor. These beers are interchangeable, sometimes my purchases are based on how funny the last commercial I saw was.

I have recently been moving my taste buds towards Budweiser since one of my soccer boys works for the Bud Plant in Cartersville. The Michelob derrivatives are good, the Martzen, hefe, IPA, Pale Ale.

What will happen to my personal favorite - Pabst Blue Ribbon? They have made an incredible comeback. A friend of the wife is from Milwalkee and states no one up there drinks PBR anymore since the Japanese came in and took over. So, I like the Toyota of beers, whatever.

Microbrews are never going to go away. They are part of the landscape now. These mega corporations will never be able to squash these local brews, and that is good. I will say that I saw the BREWING special on the History Channel and they made a remarkable statement. I thought they would bash the 1 million gallon a day brewers but they said - for the major brewers to brew such a light beer in huge quantities and keep the quality at such a high level, the big boys should be commended because the brewing process is very easy to make a mistake and they never do.

Hmmm. Which brings me to my soccer boy. Sunday, after our game that I hurt my knee in, he stated - I am surprised I could run so much, I had to taste 36 hours of production this morning and then went home and took a nap then came to the game.... I told him - I'm sure there are aspects of your job that suck, just like anyone else's, BUT you will not get any sympathy from me... I continued - If you ever need help, just give me a call and I can have 5 guys in Cartersville in 30 minutes.

Just call me Bob or Doug Mckenzie, eh.

31 Days wasn't the charm either...

After I posted yesterday I tried to go to the bank - it was Columbus Day so how big an idiot did I feel like. But right outside the bank was a flower store.... Hmmm. I haven't bought "the Wife" flowers since we've been married, so I got the proverbial Dozen Red Roses. Took em home, put em in a vase, put em on the mantle - let's see if she sees em.

I cook a big meal: marinated tip roast from Trader Joe's, broccoli, and potatoes, peppers, tomato in tin foil on the grill; a bottle of wine.

She gets home and shakes her head that I am hobbling around on my swollen knee, changes and comes down stairs and says "Why did you buy yourself flowers?" Great response.

She eats in a hurry and scurries upstairs to watch the Hills. I am left to ice my knee and watch the Cowboys win and Wankees lose, unload and load the dishwasher.... By the time the MNF game was over she was sound asleep. Ummmm, nothing I can write would do justice to the thoughts going thru my head.

30 Days of Wedded Bliss

Today marks the 1 month anniversary of the begining of the end of my life.

It's been an interesting ride.

I mentioned this was our anniversary last night - received mixed reviews.

This morning for breakfast I didn't mention anything about it, waited until she was leaving for work and threw it out there again. Got a kiss on the cheek.

I thought women wanted guys to remember this kind of crap.

I guess my on-going home improvement project continues to piss her off. (That bathroom may be the death of me.)
I didn't help my cause by coming home limping last night. Tweaked my knee in game 3 of my soccer season. Not good - swollen, tender and tight.

Beckham got Busted...

I have been on the fence on whether David Beckham is good for the MLS. He brought in Cosmos type crowds in New York and lost the game 5-4. What a game. After that things are questionable...

Now Wednesday night Beckham got injured. Looked like a legitimate injury BUT the play he got hurt on is something he has been practicing since he was in primary school. It's called a Bust. When you instep meets the ball at the same time the other players instep meets the ball. The better, stronger player wins most of the time. It was a legal play and Beckham went flying. Now he is out for 6 weeks - that seems excessive.

Now Beck's is out for a 3 game set with the English National Team. I am sure they are happy about that AND the detractors of the MLS in England will have plenty of fodder to keep bashing our league.

The MLS is somewhat to blame as well. Argueably no one watches MLS - right? Well they should be focusing on ways to attract fans vs. trying to emmulate the European Leagues. The game Beckham got hurt in didn't even count. It was a Super Liga game. What the Hell is Super Liga??? Some idiot figured we should have unimportant games in the US to try and match UEFA Cup games. Dumbasses.

Until the US comes up with a truely performance related leagues the MLS will continue to flail. The US will NEVER match the English Premeirship "relegation" determination. Relegation means that the bottom 4 teams in the premeirship get demoted and have to play in the league below them and the top 4 teams in the 1st Division get promoted to the Premeirship.

Put this in MLB terms. You have the Majors, AAA, AA and A ball. Theoretically the Richmond Braves could win thier division and get promoted to the Major League while the Tampa Bay Devil Rays or Kansas City Royals could be demoted to AAA. This would never happen but this would be a true performance based league.

OH well, Beckham can make a few more commercials and attend a few more photoshoots while he is laid up...

Hmmmm. What Haven't I Done???

I will be compiling a list of things that I have always wanted to do but probably will never do now that my life is almost over....

Then I will disclose a list of thing that I have always wanted to do that marriage should not interfere with.

I will post by the big day....

Hmmmm.... Any suggestions.?.?

8 Full Days of Freedom Left...

Its officially Thursday and I was thinking - I only have 8 days of freedom left.

I haven't bored you, my fans, with the countdown to the end of my life but most of you know the stress that we have been going thru. Work has been good and it seems like I can leave ATL with a clear conscious next week with "almost" everything done.

Most of the Wedding details are getting taken care of. The Fiancee and I have to learn to "talk" to each other about what's left over - instead of - you did WHAT or WHY didn't you do that.... We're both guilty. (She more than me but that's besides the point.)

I am trying to cover as much as possible so that when I get to Savannah I only have 2 responsibilities. Be at the Rehearsal @ 6pm and show up for the wedding @ 2:30 for pix. I think I can pull this off.

Con-Vick = ConVicked

It's amazing that this story has taken over ESPN for the last 2 days. What did people think was going to happen. Oh, wait, I forgot - this is ATL.

Yesterday this was ground breaking, today I am ready to move on. The thing that kills me is that there are Still many people in ATL that are making excuses for Michael Vick, delivering their own conspiracy theories, and people convinced that "they" (meaning Whitey) are going to make an example out of him. GOOD... Maybe it takes a PackMan Jones, a Michael Vick and the entire Cincinnatti Bengals to make a point to the NFL. Walk the Line or your ass is out.Why is that wrong.?.

I will be interested to see what the details are of his Plea Agreement. These enablers, excuse makers and conspiracy theorists need to read this and let it sink in... O.J. had guts to fight his charges - Mike Vick said he was innocent and would clear his name... Now that his buddies flipped and spilled ALL the details, he is scrambling to take the best deal possible. Why is he taking a deal??? Because he is guilty as hell!!!!!!! Fuck him. That is why people take deals - to avoid the maximum sentence and with a case like this - Vick wants to hide as much as possible.

I do believe in Due Process and Mike Vick has never been ConVicked of any other crimes so I am not sure the 14 -18 month prison sentence is the right sentence. I'm just not sure. What I am interested in is how this judge will handle, and how the criminal justice system works in Virginia. From what I hear 1 day = 1 day up there; where here in Ga. it is 2 and sometimes 3 days = 1 day served. Will he get out on "Good Behavior"? That will do nothing but piss people off. If he stays the full term, that will piss off the section of society that supports him - the section that is well versed in being arrested and supposedly wrongly convicted.

Michael Vick fights dogs while his boss, Arthur Blank, has a fish tank full of sharks. Hmmmm. I say once Vick gets out of prison, Mr. Blank needs to take him for a tour of the Georgia Acquarium put a fish head in each of his pockets and 1 hanging on his bling bling necklace and say "OK Boy, you still wanna play football - you lying sonofabitch- you make it all the way across the shark tank and then we'll talk." Vick's response will be "Massa Isa cain't swum." The last words Vick should hear is "GOOD" as he feels Blank shove him into the tank....

New Team with a "bonus"

I have reluctantly looked for a new Soccer team ever since I got released from the Dr.'s supervision for my ACL reconstruction. Cobb County has an over 40 league and that is perfect for me... I have sent in a couple emails and finally got a call back about a "try-out" tonight.

I really didn't like the condescending attitude of the Player Coordinator and the League Administrator. Fucking Soccer affluent. We started a scrimmage with a mix of D1, D2, D3 and Over 40's and I was playing center Back. Stuff a shot here, out jump a 23 yr old for a header on a corner kick, direct traffic with the other backs and I get a call from the sideline. The Administrator says - you want to play Over 40, yep. She intorduces me to an English guy whos looking for players. They are getting ready for a scrimmage. Kool, I am in.

We play a decent team but pound them 7-2, no assists for your humble narrator but I felt great back out on the pitch. I play well but am not in game shape. I take a knee when needed, take my self out when too tired. These guys are Kool, couple good players, Goalie is OK and we all seem to get along. The English guy said he would email me this week and I look like a lock for the team - KOOL...

What about the BONUS I mentioned - let me tell you... After the game we head to the parking lot, one of the guys says hey I have a cooler in the trunk come on over for a beer. Ding, ding, ding - did he say beer... Great!!! My kind of guys. B U T that isn't the BONUS. The BONUS is, the guy works for the Budweiser plant in Cartersville, Ga. You work for who? Budweiser, I'm the manager of the Tasting Room. Exqueeze Me? You taste beer for a living... Yeah, I have a cooler full of samples for every game... Did I die and go to Heaven? Not only do these guys drink beer but they SUPPLY the beer... Fucking A!!! I had a Michelob Martzen beer, Amber Bock, and a couple Mich. Light tall boys.

I am not always a big Bud guy but I think my tastebuds can be converted... The best kind of beer - FREE BEER!!!!

Rocco

Went to see Rocco Deluca on Saturday night @ the Roxy. A girl at the office has chased this poor guy thru 7 states over the last year and has punked me and Money into going to the show. I had shit to do Sat, so did Money so we don't even get to the "New Buckhead" until 9pm or so. 3 or 4 drinks at Churchill Arms, one of the few remaining bars, and we make it just in time.

We get texts from Coca and she tells us to look for the Bunny. Yep - a guy walks around in an Easter Bunny costume drinking beer. This is supposed to mean that Keiffer Sutherland is there. Big fucking deal. I have never seen 1 episode of "24", but I did like the Lost Boys.

About the show... Hmmm.... To me, it reminded me of the soundtrack for O Brother Where Art Thou. His slide guitar is some Mississippi Delta twang and all he needed was a banjo to be Blue Grass. He played his hit song "Beautiful" and the crowd goes wild - I yell "Play it AGAIN" since it was the only song I knew. George Thorogood is the master of the rocking slide guitar. Rocco's band was decent but he had 2 percussionists, 1 drummer and 1 bongo,cymbals, shaker, cowbell guy and they barely played. The 5 songs that the drummer actually played a beat (snare / top hat rythem) those songs were really good.

I'm glad I went, Glad I saw, now I won't have to go again. Coca should understand, everyone needs to find their groove. In my life I have known many a Dead Head, and Phish fanatic and have never understood that either.

Hyphenate THIS (picture me flipping you off)

Today me and miss thang went to the Probate Office to get the Marriage License...
(Why do they have Marriage Licenses and Gun Permits in the same office??? Foreshadowing???)
I get the clipboard and start filling it in for both of us, full names, place of birth, parents names and places of birth, etc. When I got to Designated Sirname I filled in the Fiance's box with my last name. She said - what is that? I didn't really know so I said we would ask. We get up to the counter and ask. This is where I am shocked to hear - what if I want to hyphenate???

Did she just say hyphenate? Who is this person standing next to me?
I blush, immediately start sweating, 15 people are overhearing us, and I politely say- WHAT?

This came as a total surprise to me. Luckily the clerk berrated the girl into submission so she can't blame it on me. Talk about bullshit.

I deserve to be angry about this - in actuality I think it is funny she got beaten down by the clerk but wonder what this means going forward. I guess I am the one the truely wants to get married. Who'da thought that.?.

I guess I shoulda realized something was up when she comes home from the bridal shower and says - I got this and I got this, and this person gave ME this and that.... Whoa nelly... I correct her by saying "Don't you mean WE received this and this person gave US that.???"

I swear - if I die under curious circumstances - you know the #1 suspect... HA... That's funny.

Have You Missed Me?

Let's see.... What has happened since my last post??????

Hmmmm.....
Here's a little run down.

1. Demo'd the bathroom and put tile down.
2. Replaced the Ceiling Fan in the Living Room. The 19' ceiling caused me to rent construction scaffolding and construct scaffolding in my house to reach the ceiling.
3. While taking down the scaffolding- 1 end piece got away from me and crashed into the corner of the bar wall that separates the kitchen from living room and caused some drywall damage.
4. Currently putting sealer on the floor.
5. Will caulk the molding this evening or tomorrow.
6. Will mud the walls tomorrow.
7. I went to see Morrissey 3 times.

• 1st night was at the Alabama Theater in Birmingham. I took my 16 yr old nephew to his 1st rock show. He really enjoyed it. Nice small venue. I was totally blown away by Kristeen Young... Wow... She is a cross between Kate Bush, Tori Amos and Bjork.
• 2nd night was in ATL @ Chastain. I thought I had good seats but anything not down front and it is like watching a show on TV while your are outside. Chastain is not my favorite place and Morrissey called out all the stuck up people there. "Now I know why I've never played here." was his response to all the season ticket holders that were talking and drinking their wine as the music was an afterthought for them.
• 3rd night was in Myrtle Beach. Yep I drove all the way to MB to see a show. This was also my first time back in a House of Blues (I don't consider the Tabernacle an official HOB) since me an Money got kicked out of the HOB, separately and for different reasons, in Orlando. THIS SHOW FUCKING ROCKED!!! WOW!!! I took Rogman with me and even HE was impressed. He only knew about 3-4 songs but the show was so damn good EVERYONE commented on it.
• The only thing I would change about this 3 day run is my wish that he would have changed up his sets. Pretty much the same show 3 days in a row - except for ATL where he cut out 3 songs to get the fuck out of there.

8. Had Bachelor Party: That is for another post.

Wann know how I know your are Gay?

As per the classic bit in the 40 Year Old Virgin movie, reasons such as listening to Cold Play are a dead give away but don't necessarily mean you are immediately gay - just confused. BUT, I was watching a re-run of the Colbert Report and he had a gay guy on that showed tell tale, physical, signs that someone has the propensity to be gay.

If your hair, at the crown of your head, spirals clockwise - you may be gay. I don't quite know how you check this out on yourself. I guess you could rig up a bunch of mirrors to find out OR you could ask the next guy you are blowing which way your hair swirls.

The other way is if you Pointer finger is longer than your Ring finger. OK, every guy reading this is checking themselves out now... Its true. Most women's Pointer is longer than their Ring. Thus if a man has this characteristic he may demonstrate a more feminine demeanor. Same thing holds true for lesbians. Most tend to have longer Ring fingers than Pointers.

What they are trying to do is justify that your are born this way. I am not sure about that. I really believe that George Michael makes a conscious decision to blow everyone in public park bathroom stalls - I don't think God made him that way.

Name says it all...

OK, so i am getting ready for the weekend - The Wanker and Wife are coming to the ATL to visit and help your humble narrator do some home improvements. The Fiance bought some pedestal sinks and it's now time to re-do the upstairs bathroom.

I have been working on Demo-ing the bathroom before the Wanker gets here. Took off the molding, popped off the mirror and hurt the girl in the process, now I am trying to demo the vanity/sink. When they built our house they installed the vanity over the water pipes (which come out of the floor) THEN the fuckchops soldered the pipes together and put the splash guards on so that NOW IT IS IMPOSSIBLE to take out.

I had bought a Jig Saw but this did not have the clearance to get the blade down behind the pipes and under the splash guards. So, what was I to do.?.? OH keeper of the Lowe's credit card, can I borrow the credit card so I can get a SawsAll? As soon as I said that I said to myself, SHIT now I will be spending 20 minutes explaining was a sawsall is... Luckily, all she said was OK.

SawsAlls fucking kick ass... 3 minutes and I have sawed the shit out of that vainity. I even bent my 1st blade... Ooops...
Tomorrow I gotta take out the vanity - that should be fun.

Preacher Man

This past weekend me and the Fiancee went to Savannah to see her family and to have our 1st meeting with the Pastor of Isle of Hope United Methodist Church. We were both apprehensive on the drive down. I asked the girl the uncomfortable question of Why she Loves me? And was met with an even more uncomfortable silence. That's how my weekend went.

We get infront of the Preacher Man and he seems OK. How long have you known each other, what kind of work do you do, do you go to church regularly, etc.?

The great question is one he did not ask... What do you like best about Brandi? I had practiced this response infront of her family the night before and it went over big... Hmmm what do I like about the Fiance?

• I like the fact that she doesn't bruise easily
• I like the fact that she knows her place
• I like the fact that she no longer charges me extra for that thing she does with her tongue, but she still does charge me.

These are great responses that I didn't get to use... Dammit.

Now we have homework to do and turn in to see if he needs us to come back in for counseling. These are some tough Q's.

What was your relationship like with your father during your teen? *What kind of question is that EVERY guy hated their old man during those years.

How happy were you growing up? *I guess I was happy. I didn't know we were poor until I was in Middle School because I always had what I needed. I became a miserable Fuck as the years progressed.

How many romantic relationships were you in previously? *Do they want a number or details?

Weird stuff here. Makes me think I should be laying on a leather couch with Sigmund F. sitting in the chair taking notes and commenting that although I was breastfed I don't seem well adjusted.

Such is life. I think we can pass the test so we don't have to go back....

WHAT a Weekend???

OK, I have just now been able to clear my head enough to explain how GREAT last weekend was - and I am ready to do it again.

Money and I fly to Charleston on Thursday afternoon. Money ran the dry run (or, wet run as it were) by getting his 1 quart plastic bag and placing 6 mini bottles in it and running it thru the security checkpoint. TSA did not stop him, ask any questions, or do the full body cavity search. SCORE. As long as it is less that 3 oz they can't say any thing.

We rent the Dodge Charger and try to put the golf clubs in the trunk - that wasn't going to happen. Magic's hard club carrier was a bitch to fit in the car so we laid the seats down. I love traveling with golf clubs - It's like giving all the other men at the baggage claim the subtle FINGER, "I came here to play golf - you came with your family - I win Fucker!!!"
We take Momma out to dinner and dump her back home and go out.

We hit Madra Rua in old Downtown North Charleston and it is awesome. We take pen and paper and start making rules and penalties for Friday's golf match. We come up with a grid with group scores, lowest score, least amount of putts, closest to the pin, etc. Then we came up with individual penalties that went into the Penalty Bucket: 3 putts or more, double par or worse, lost ball, not driving past women's tee's, 2 or more shots in the same sandtrap, etc. All these penalties could be won by the putt off at the end of the match. That made it fun. Each player had a full piece of paper with an 18 hole grid to make sure we counted all the strokes and penalties correctly... (Shit, that made my Drysophila Melanogaster's Chi Square look elementary)

We get up early Friday and make our way over to the Wanker's house. While Mr. Wanker took wanker jr and wankerette to Granny's house, we looked at his new deck - WOW! No freaking way I could have done what he did. 3 tier deck complete with lights inlaid on the stairs that lead down to the outdoor fireplace. It looks great BUT i am still concerned about the fire's we might have in that thing and the overhanging trees. (Fire Dept is 2 miles away.)

We get to the Golf Course and it is already hot. Go to pay and there is a sign on the clubhouse door - Beware of Aligator on #6. That's all it says. Do they think that is enough of a disclaimer? We get out there and I am shooting TERRIBLE! Put it to you this way, I shot 6 under par on the front - thats a 66 on the front I should have quit right there. It was a test of patience to try and keep score. OK, I got an 8 with at 3 putt, 2 shots in the same trap, 1 lost ball, double par, drive didn't make it past ladies tees= shit 1 hold could cost you $10.

By the end of the day I was down more than double than anyone else in the Penalty Bucket. I had to win that one but the Wanker won it on a 1 putt from 20 feet. Short fucker.

Poker wasn't much better but it seems like I was able to fold when needed and stay in hands when I felt good. I never had a big stack bacause people kept buying chips from me. So I had money but never many chips. Towards the end of the night it got a little heated and I got put out. Rogman won the big game and came out ahead >$200. It's about 2am and Money says "I still have $20 - let's keep playing." Well I turn on the jets and have a pretty good lead but when it got down to just 2 of us I offered the other guy a split of the pot which took me ahead for the day by $10, damn golf penalties. Time to sleep @ 3:30.

9am came pretty damn early and I was not a happy camper. Oooof. My stomach was not looking forward to getting out on the water... Ooof. Money, Rogman, even the Wanker cracked beers as soon as we got into the water. I just sat there. Ooof. We made it down the Ashley River and were going to cross the Harbor to the Cooper but Wank says, nah, let's get lunch first. GREAT idea. I needed greasy food and a place to use the facilities. Took a MONSTER and by the time I got back to the table a double Captain n Sprite was waiting for me. Shit, there was no Sprite in there. Greasy fries, just what the Dr. ordered. I'm back. Bring me another drink... I just think I was full of shit - literally. We head across the Harbor, my first time going from river to river and the little boat was bouncing all over the place. The new Cooper River Bridge is really impressive. Then back to the Ashley. The tide had been going out all day and was still going out. We drove almost all they way back in about 2 feet of water or less. Wanker's never had so much weight in his boat at low tide before. Me and Rogman had to be on opposite sides of the boat... Kinda hairy up the river. "I don't know where we're going but one look at you Captain and I know it's going to be hot." compliments of Chief from Apocalypse Now.

We get back right in front of the thunderstorm.
Dinner at the Wanker's was great... He didn't want to cut/chop the boston butt so he hand picked the whole thing. Kinda over kill but it was damn good. More beers, more good times. After dinner I kinda missed some of the conversation. I was nodding off like a mo-fo. Jesus I was tired. Money and I made it back to Momma's house and I couldnt keep my eyes open. No going out tonight.

Sunday I felt MUCH better after getting some sleep. Time to work. I cut some bushes, and then pulled out the old pool cover. THat was NASTY as shit. Money helped me put on the new one, so at least 1 chore was done. We made it back to Madra Rua for brunch. LET THE DRINKING BEGIN... Start with a Smithwicks and Money has Bloody Mary. Couple of these later here comes the Rogman. He proceeds to explain that no Brunch is complete without Red Bull Mimosas... Ooof. Couple of those then back to beer. We get out of there close to 3 and get to the airport - just in time for the Rain. FINALLY make it back to ATL.

WHAT A WEEKEND...
Have I fully recovered??? I hope not...
One thing I do know is - I have the Best Friends in the World... I will put up my friends against anyone elses friends in a WWE Battle Royal and know that we came in with the Belt and we're going out with the Belt -because they are THE BEST IN THIS SPORT TODAY - Woooo!!!! thank you Ric Flair.

Is my Liver ready...

Luckily my Liver did not take a shot from Ricky Hatten last weekend but it did take quite a pounding by Jameson shots at the Dondero show.

Now the Liver has to withstand BACHELOR PARTY #1...
Tomorrow me and G fly to Chuckton, Rog is coming in from MB and we are invading the Wanker's house. Friday is Golf at Crowfield Plantation - one of my first and favorite coursed BUT it is hard as a mo-fo. You know a golf course is hard when they fill in sand traps... That's what happened in the late 90's because this was so hard.
Friday night brings Poker Night to Asheboro East. Wanker has his Poker boys coming over to take our $$$ that should be some High Stakes fun... Need some cigars.
Saturday is a day on the boat. Looks like we will put in on the Ashley River then come all the way around the peninsula to go under the new Cooper River Bridge. That should be nice. Lunch we will tie up at California Dreaming for some drinks and grub... This should be about 6 hour trip - I hope the weather agrees with us.
Dinner at Billys that night... More drinking to ensue.

This Bachelor Party is for the Groomsmen only and should be alot of fun. It'll be good to hang with these guys and then plan the details for BACHELOR PARTY #2 - the Lake George Trip. So far we have 9 of us on the hook to go, just waiting to hear from 2 more.... Wow... That's alot of people going a long way just to drink warm beer and talk to cold women.

Talked to the fiancee about Bach Party #1 and she said "as long as there aren't any strippers." What is she thinking Thee Southern Belle is sending a girl over for every hole on Crowfield, the Poker night is actually strip poker with girls from the Joker Supper Club and the boat trip will be loaded with girls from the Hayloft - we may have to strand those skanks on a deserted island.

David Dondero tonight.

D.D. is playing at the Earl tonight. This show should be fun. I hope there will be an influx of ex-WSBFers there. I was amazed last year when an ex-Fat Stinking Belgian Bastard member showed up and I talked to him more than I talked to Dave. I am really looking forward to this show.

Bad thing is - I have a big meeting in Alabama tomorrow so it is doubtful that I could leave Alabama by 3pm then try to drive all the way to Clemson to see his next show. He is playing a very small joint at Clemson - in the summer. I don't understand that one. How many people will actually be going out in late June. Doubtful that will be a heavily attended show. I spoke to Wicked and she may try to go but doubtful. (Why can't he play during football season?)

Saturday he is playing Athfest at 4pm. That may be doable but not sure. I haven't been to Athens since 1989 and wouldn't mind going to see Dave BUT the big draw back is all the damn UGa fans. I may have to dig out my passport to gain entrance. I have alot of friends that are Bulldog fans and that is reason enough to stay the hell away - just kidding.

"Is that YOUR son?"

Fuck NO - you had to punk me out because I am the old guy here.... Goddammit, I mumble as I left Purgatory.

Let me explain. The Fiance left me for a week so she can do wedding stuff in the SAV so I am flying solo. I think the boys know it - buddy Corn texted me and asked if I wanted to go see Silverstein and Rise Against @ the Masquerade... Uhhh sure was my response. I got no plans.

We meet up at the Vortex in Little 5 for pre-show burgers and contemplate sampleing one of their numerous bottles of Single Malt Scotch's. (What an eclectic duo - Vortex is famous for its' burgers and Scotch's - kinda revolting match.) We shoot the shit with some of his friends that are on the way to the Braves game. I amazed everyone there with somewhat of an anecdote about everyone's home town - funny as hell. We explained to them that we are going to a concert and I predicted that it would only be a matter of time when someone mentions our age at this show. Since the Masquerade is notoriously an All Ages venue.

It didn't take long. We get there and see a few of Silversteins songs - whatever. Then we post up in front of the sound booth ready for Rise Against. They start and Corn can't contain himself - he goes pogoing into the pit. Good for him - I need a drink.
I make my way downstairs to Purgatory and there is only 4 people in there and 1 kid. This kid is sitting at the bar with his fingers pulling at his hair, drinking a soda, unable to focus, bobbing his head in a parkinson type way. I get my drink and as the bartender hands it to me I make a face of disgust and appallination. She looks over and sees that kid LICKING the bar... What the fuck. He gets up, stumbles around, knocks over some chairs, comes back to his barstool and starts drooling... Bartender is talking to the other patrons and we are just gawking at how fucked up this kid is and she turns to him and says "Where's your parents?" No answer then she says to me "Is that YOUR son?" Fucking bitch. NO!

I couldn't even get a nice quiet drink - so I go back upstairs and try not to act my age. Down the drink and find Corn as they end their first set. We bumrush the front for the encore and mix it up in the Pit for the last 4 songs...

I may be old but I ain't dead yet...

The D vs. The Conchords -

How does HBO get off airing a new show that is just a remake of an old show? On Sunday night I watched the first broadcast of "The Flight of the Conchords" 2 guys, who sing about inane things. Hmmmm... Has this been done before???? I think it has - in the early 90's HBO aired video shorts of Tenacious D - 2 guys singing about inane things. I guess we aren't supposed to notice this similarity because these guys have Australian accents but are supposed to be from New Zealand... Who can tell the difference?

Jack Black and Kyle Gass should sue HBO's ass for likeness rights.

Conchords will either be good or be so obscure they get taken off.. 1st episode was OK. The "Most beautiful girl in the room, and top 10 beautiful girl on the street" was pretty good. "You might be able to be a part-time model but will probably have to keep your day job" line always works with the ladies. We'll see where this show takes us.

I hear the rain, I hear the rain - gotta feel the pain -

As the Violent Femmes song says.... I cannot believe we got a nice sustained rain last night. Too bad it isn't still going on today. We really need it - my yard needs it.

Joke's on Us.

Soprano's ending was G R E A T !!!!!!!
Big lead up, Meadow couldn't park, those guys checking out Tony and family - AND CUT TO BLACK. No music, No credits for about 30 seconds -AWESOME....

Bring on the Movie....

HBO should have had this show on Pay Per View...

The Army should not be real happy with the Mob... Hmmm Mom Dad, buy me an M3 and I won't go in the Army. That didn't work where I grew up. My HS had as many people go into the Military as went to college - anything to escape where we were from. Too bad too many didn't make it out.

Interesting how Paulie didn't want the additional responsibility. Hmmm. AJ will eventually take over the family. Jr. is plotting his revenge. Phil got his skull run over huh... Eeew. The Fed's got one of his guys - hmmmm. Lots of questions - but what a great show.

Can John from Cininnatti live up to the hype - we'll see. (That was wild last night)
(Funniest part of the show was when the new owner of the hotel shows up wearing a gun - "I am a winner of the Mega Millions Lottery and the 1st thing they tell you is to protect yourself and you new wealth." I swear I aways said the first thing I would do is buy a gun.)

She says "Your pole is too big."

I think that is the moral of 6 hours of my life yesterday.
I put up my first ceiling fan yesterday - sounds easy right? Well, my 6' step ladder didn't quite do the job with my 11 1/2 vaulted ceiling in the bedroom. I had to stand on the next to last step and extend my arms straight up. Ooof the rheumatoid arthritus was kicking in.
Taking down the old one was a bitch too.
Thing I hate about home improvements is when you call a friend for advice and they have never done this either BUT they sure do give their opinion. All it cost me was $2.18 with 2 blown light bulbs and I fixed my wiring problem.
It works now. The Fiance was happy but this morning she rolls over and says "Your pole is too big" I always wondered how she could sleep with the broomstick in her back and she waited till now to complain. As I whiped the sleep crust out of my eyes I realized what she was talking about. The Down rod that I installed is 36" and the one we took down was 24" the shorter pole gives a larger dispursement of air. I always knew she was right - my pole is too big.

May have to wait till next Saturday for a fix.

8.47 Miles of Kudzu Later...

Kevin 1 - Kudzu 0
Goddammit... Kudzu is a BITCH.
Yesterday I was charged with clearing out the Kudzu out of the woods in our back yard. It was getting thick and we had about 6 or 7 vines coming down the hill, thru the juniper and into our backyard. I swear you could see this shit grow. These vines were menacing to look at too. It seemed as if you walked too close to them, they would wrap around your leg and drag you up into the juniper and rip your flesh off the bones...
I couldn't let that happen... NO Evil Dead shit going on in my backyard.
I put on jeans for the 1st time since February and my hiking boots and took the hatchet, Ax and big time pruning shears to the woods. I began by pulling up the vines to determine their origin. Of all the Kudzu I had 3 main rooting systems to tackle. I could tell that these were the same places I had cut the Kudzu from in the fall but they had sprouted new vines. I said, I'll fix your ass as I went and got the shovel... Well, my heart started pumping - blood pressure thumping (as the Bananarama song goes) and I tried to dig out these damn roots. Holy Shit. It wasn't going to happen. Kudzu is sooo green and stringy that the big ass pruning shears could not make a clean cut on the vines - it pinced between the blades. Fuckers. So cutting thru it with a shovel ain't gonna happen. The hatchet was ineffective as well, blade just bounced off the big roots BUT NOTHING can escape the Fiskar's AX. That is one bad motha!

Moral of the story is that I have one this battle but the war is definitely not over.

I officially hate all Kappa Sig's and the official plant of Georgia.

Damn Bulldogs!!!

I usually reserve this sentiment for the Georgia Bulldogs but this time it is directed at Mississippi St. Good game guys, ya'll beat us fair n square. Shitheads...

Gotta hand it to the Hillbillies!!!

Shit. Mississippi State wins game 1 of the Super Regionals 8 - 6. Moskos didn't take the loss but didn't help his signing bonus. Gave up 5 runs. They were hitting all over the place. Screw them. Game 2 tomorrow. Win or go home.

(That is a big ass stadium they have there -10,000 to watch College Baseball and chase after your sister.... Way to go Miss St.)

Passport? We don't need no stinking Passport...

Jesus. The Fiance applied for her passport on March 6, 2007. 12 weeks later, still no passport. We call the 800# and they canned answering machine message states "Sorry, we are very busy and unless you are needing your passport within the next 2 weeks we cannot assist you." Also... "we will not be able to expedite any passports unless they have exceeded the 12 week wait time." What the fuck is that all about. This is our government at work. How deep of a background check are they doing? Especially for the Fiance. A poor pink neck from Richmond Hill that has never broken a law in her life. She doesn't even speed fo Chrissakes! We've got time to wait but I don't like the fact that they can just put you on hold this long.

If my name was Muhamad Muhamad I could understand the wait. Luckily I got my passport in April 2001, thus before the Sept 11 crackdown.

What's so Funny about THAT???

Last night me and the Fiance were bored and there was nothing on TV so we rented BORAT from On Demand. Uhhhhh.... I don't get it. What was the uproar last year? It really wasn't that funny. A mock documentary? Bad editing job - when he gets interviewed on TV, that was in Mississippi, then they went backwards and went to Atlanta. 60% of Americans should have recognized this! The funniest parts were when he and Azmat wrestled naked - that's gross. And when the went to the Bed and Breakfast and the owners were Jewish and late that night they thought the Jews had shape shifted and turned into cockroaches - they threw money at the roaches to get away from them.
Jewish humor - Ha, its funny but not that funny.

What I do think is FUNNY:

1. I think it's hilarious what is happening to Michelle Wei - after playing in all these men's tournaments, the women are turning on her. She "illegally" withdrew from a tournament because if you shoot >88 in an event you cannot play on the LPGA for a year - her agent had her quit on the 16 hole in S.C. and that shit is funny.
2. Billy Donovan - the backflipper... What a fucking idiot. I think this situation is Hilarious. Dumbass. Orlando ought to string his ass up! He knows the Fla team is not going to be near as good next year. Now he HAS to stay in Gainsville, or at least not in the NBA, for 5 more years. Good for him to be forced to stay with the Jean Shorts and Gold Chain faithful.
3. The whole Michael Vick thing never ceases to amaze me. He gets busted. Immediately denies responsibility. He sells the house for well below Market Value. He blasts his family. The house gets broken into - how did they steal his stuff if he sold the house weeks ago? If I were Mike I would build a Basketball court over the site where all the dogs are buried. He is going down but I think the Feds want him to out everyone else involved. Vick should have blamed everything on his brother - who wouldn't believe that scumbag isn't responsible. Bye Bye Vick.
4. Turning 40 has been funny. I am definitely NOT the same person.
5. My friend Corn just quit his good food job and has jobbed on with the Death Star. What??? Why??? Everyone is getting the hell out of there, why go into that hell hole? It's funny, I hope the force is with him.
6. Planning the Bachelor Party has been a constant source of amusement. So far 7 guys on 1 plane to NY and others will be coming from other locations. Should be fun.
7. It's funny that I am seeing Morrissey 3 nights in a row. Funny may not be the right word, gay may be a better word. I don't care. Birmingham, ATL and Myrtle Beach yee haw.
8. I think its funny that I have committed to losing weight before the wedding - what the fuck do I know about losing weight. I spent 30+ years trying to gain weight - now I have no problem gaining weight.
9. It's funny that I have all kinds of Home Improvement projects stacking up in the garage BUT have no motivation to get them done. Talk about stepping outside the comfort zone. Electricity, tile work, scaffolding, carpentry trim work - Jesus.
10. It's funny the Yankees SUCK...
11. It's funny and not funny that the NCAA was put in the worst case scenario in the College Baseball Super Regionals. Both Clemson and Mississippi won their regional series and are bracketed to play each other. Where were they going to play it? In S.C. or Miss.? Both states have been embroiled in NCAA Sanctions because of the Confederate Flag. What's not funny is they chose Miss St. Fuck them. We had 41 wins, they had 36. We were a #2 seed and they were a #3 seed in the Regional. They still got it - rednecks! Our only reprieve is that Mississippi is 1/2 way to Omaha...
12. It's funny that more people probably watched the NCAA Softball National Championship game than watched the Stanley Cup game.
13. It's funny that I used to HATE Rolling Stone magazine and now I read it "almost" cover to cover. I skip the Rap and Politics pieces but they have good articles. Maybe I should get Playboy.
14. It's funny that 2 potentially horrific Terror Plots have been foiled - Ft. Dix and JFK airport, and President Bush gets NO positive press for our intelligence efforts. The Dems would have rather let these attacks take place and then blame the white house.
15. I think its funny that I only know a token few people that are outwardly upset with the War and the President. Everyone else I know is supportive. Would everyone like it to be going better -YES, does anyone want to cut and run - NO... Drives me crazy.
16. All the bullshit about David Beckham is killing me. England had written him off after the last World Cup, saying he was too old (32) and washed up. Well, what do you know - he has had 3 assists in the last 2 games and has been instrumental in their wins. He could be could be like a DH in baseball, only out there for free kicks but he is the best in the world. Why the hell is he coming to America. No matter what he does here the MLS won't catch on.
17. Same scenario with Michael Owen. He was benched in the World Cup for a 6'9" freak, Crouch. England needs to develop a 4-3-3 scenario and have Crouch, Rooney AND Owen on the front line. Owen, at 27, was considered washed up too but with his last goal has moved into #3 in goals for England in International matches. Give the guy a break. Now he could come to America - take over the MLS - and solidify a spot on the English National Team.

These are just a few of my views - I trust my sense of humor is still in tact.

I Officially Hate Al Gore!!!!!!

Al Gore can kiss my ass!!!
I can understand why we need to ween ourselves from Middle Eastern Oil so we no longer fund the Islamic Fascists BUT we need to pump more oil ourselves... Alaska, and off the shore of Florida and California... I am not a proponent of Ethanol and after reading this article: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18941618/ I would rather pay $6.00 a gallon vs. causing the price of beer to go up.

You can't argue the economics. Barly for $271 per ton, that's ton-as in 2000 pounds, as opposed to Corn at over $500 per ton. That sucks....

I now say this war should be about Oil!!! Dammit.

I say that the Government should coerce the big Oil companies to build 4 new refineries, 1 in New Jersey, 1 in Brunswick Ga, 1 either on Texas coast of in New Orleans, and 1 in California. AND all the 32 different additives they have to put in Gas for the different states would be abolished, 1 gas for America.

Get R dunnn...

Great Company...

As you know I am a huge Clemson Fan and usually brag about every national reference out there. Well, i just came across one article that I kinda wish we weren't in.

I am reading the current Rolling Stone magazine and they have an article about America's most hated comics - Shirley Q. Liquor, who is a 45yr old gay man in drag wearing blackface... Ha, Ha, good gimmick, I even went to the website, www.shirleyqliquor.com, and chuckled about some of the skits. This morning I read the rest of the article and who do they mention? Clemson University and the idiot kids that had a "gangsta" party over MLK Jr weekend. Great... We get mentioned in Rolling Stone, not for producing David Dondero and launching pad for Edwin McCain, and Drivin n Cryin but for a Gangsta party./

Great company. This guy may be funny - but - RuPaul had his run. The Lady Chablis had his run. I guess there is always a niche for gay humor - Charles Nelson Riley died over the weekend so a spot is open....

Yar-garita = Yum!!!

Forgot to tell ya'll about this find yesterday before the movie.

Went to lunch at On The Border or Over the Border, whatever...and wanted to have a drink. I am not a big Tequila fan but have developed a taste for it over the years. Yesterday it just did not appeal to me, beer would cause multiple bathroom breaks during the movie so I looked at the drink menu....

YAR-garita screamed out at me.... Captain Morgans Spiced Rum, Grand Mariner, margarita mix, splash of OJ and some Triple Sec, shaken and on the rocks with salt around the rim... WOW...

Hemingway and Black Beard would both have been pleased... I know I was...

Shit that was good.