Is my Liver ready...

Luckily my Liver did not take a shot from Ricky Hatten last weekend but it did take quite a pounding by Jameson shots at the Dondero show.

Now the Liver has to withstand BACHELOR PARTY #1...
Tomorrow me and G fly to Chuckton, Rog is coming in from MB and we are invading the Wanker's house. Friday is Golf at Crowfield Plantation - one of my first and favorite coursed BUT it is hard as a mo-fo. You know a golf course is hard when they fill in sand traps... That's what happened in the late 90's because this was so hard.
Friday night brings Poker Night to Asheboro East. Wanker has his Poker boys coming over to take our $$$ that should be some High Stakes fun... Need some cigars.
Saturday is a day on the boat. Looks like we will put in on the Ashley River then come all the way around the peninsula to go under the new Cooper River Bridge. That should be nice. Lunch we will tie up at California Dreaming for some drinks and grub... This should be about 6 hour trip - I hope the weather agrees with us.
Dinner at Billys that night... More drinking to ensue.

This Bachelor Party is for the Groomsmen only and should be alot of fun. It'll be good to hang with these guys and then plan the details for BACHELOR PARTY #2 - the Lake George Trip. So far we have 9 of us on the hook to go, just waiting to hear from 2 more.... Wow... That's alot of people going a long way just to drink warm beer and talk to cold women.

Talked to the fiancee about Bach Party #1 and she said "as long as there aren't any strippers." What is she thinking Thee Southern Belle is sending a girl over for every hole on Crowfield, the Poker night is actually strip poker with girls from the Joker Supper Club and the boat trip will be loaded with girls from the Hayloft - we may have to strand those skanks on a deserted island.

David Dondero tonight.

D.D. is playing at the Earl tonight. This show should be fun. I hope there will be an influx of ex-WSBFers there. I was amazed last year when an ex-Fat Stinking Belgian Bastard member showed up and I talked to him more than I talked to Dave. I am really looking forward to this show.

Bad thing is - I have a big meeting in Alabama tomorrow so it is doubtful that I could leave Alabama by 3pm then try to drive all the way to Clemson to see his next show. He is playing a very small joint at Clemson - in the summer. I don't understand that one. How many people will actually be going out in late June. Doubtful that will be a heavily attended show. I spoke to Wicked and she may try to go but doubtful. (Why can't he play during football season?)

Saturday he is playing Athfest at 4pm. That may be doable but not sure. I haven't been to Athens since 1989 and wouldn't mind going to see Dave BUT the big draw back is all the damn UGa fans. I may have to dig out my passport to gain entrance. I have alot of friends that are Bulldog fans and that is reason enough to stay the hell away - just kidding.

"Is that YOUR son?"

Fuck NO - you had to punk me out because I am the old guy here.... Goddammit, I mumble as I left Purgatory.

Let me explain. The Fiance left me for a week so she can do wedding stuff in the SAV so I am flying solo. I think the boys know it - buddy Corn texted me and asked if I wanted to go see Silverstein and Rise Against @ the Masquerade... Uhhh sure was my response. I got no plans.

We meet up at the Vortex in Little 5 for pre-show burgers and contemplate sampleing one of their numerous bottles of Single Malt Scotch's. (What an eclectic duo - Vortex is famous for its' burgers and Scotch's - kinda revolting match.) We shoot the shit with some of his friends that are on the way to the Braves game. I amazed everyone there with somewhat of an anecdote about everyone's home town - funny as hell. We explained to them that we are going to a concert and I predicted that it would only be a matter of time when someone mentions our age at this show. Since the Masquerade is notoriously an All Ages venue.

It didn't take long. We get there and see a few of Silversteins songs - whatever. Then we post up in front of the sound booth ready for Rise Against. They start and Corn can't contain himself - he goes pogoing into the pit. Good for him - I need a drink.
I make my way downstairs to Purgatory and there is only 4 people in there and 1 kid. This kid is sitting at the bar with his fingers pulling at his hair, drinking a soda, unable to focus, bobbing his head in a parkinson type way. I get my drink and as the bartender hands it to me I make a face of disgust and appallination. She looks over and sees that kid LICKING the bar... What the fuck. He gets up, stumbles around, knocks over some chairs, comes back to his barstool and starts drooling... Bartender is talking to the other patrons and we are just gawking at how fucked up this kid is and she turns to him and says "Where's your parents?" No answer then she says to me "Is that YOUR son?" Fucking bitch. NO!

I couldn't even get a nice quiet drink - so I go back upstairs and try not to act my age. Down the drink and find Corn as they end their first set. We bumrush the front for the encore and mix it up in the Pit for the last 4 songs...

I may be old but I ain't dead yet...

The D vs. The Conchords -

How does HBO get off airing a new show that is just a remake of an old show? On Sunday night I watched the first broadcast of "The Flight of the Conchords" 2 guys, who sing about inane things. Hmmmm... Has this been done before???? I think it has - in the early 90's HBO aired video shorts of Tenacious D - 2 guys singing about inane things. I guess we aren't supposed to notice this similarity because these guys have Australian accents but are supposed to be from New Zealand... Who can tell the difference?

Jack Black and Kyle Gass should sue HBO's ass for likeness rights.

Conchords will either be good or be so obscure they get taken off.. 1st episode was OK. The "Most beautiful girl in the room, and top 10 beautiful girl on the street" was pretty good. "You might be able to be a part-time model but will probably have to keep your day job" line always works with the ladies. We'll see where this show takes us.

I hear the rain, I hear the rain - gotta feel the pain -

As the Violent Femmes song says.... I cannot believe we got a nice sustained rain last night. Too bad it isn't still going on today. We really need it - my yard needs it.

Joke's on Us.

Soprano's ending was G R E A T !!!!!!!
Big lead up, Meadow couldn't park, those guys checking out Tony and family - AND CUT TO BLACK. No music, No credits for about 30 seconds -AWESOME....

Bring on the Movie....

HBO should have had this show on Pay Per View...

The Army should not be real happy with the Mob... Hmmm Mom Dad, buy me an M3 and I won't go in the Army. That didn't work where I grew up. My HS had as many people go into the Military as went to college - anything to escape where we were from. Too bad too many didn't make it out.

Interesting how Paulie didn't want the additional responsibility. Hmmm. AJ will eventually take over the family. Jr. is plotting his revenge. Phil got his skull run over huh... Eeew. The Fed's got one of his guys - hmmmm. Lots of questions - but what a great show.

Can John from Cininnatti live up to the hype - we'll see. (That was wild last night)
(Funniest part of the show was when the new owner of the hotel shows up wearing a gun - "I am a winner of the Mega Millions Lottery and the 1st thing they tell you is to protect yourself and you new wealth." I swear I aways said the first thing I would do is buy a gun.)

She says "Your pole is too big."

I think that is the moral of 6 hours of my life yesterday.
I put up my first ceiling fan yesterday - sounds easy right? Well, my 6' step ladder didn't quite do the job with my 11 1/2 vaulted ceiling in the bedroom. I had to stand on the next to last step and extend my arms straight up. Ooof the rheumatoid arthritus was kicking in.
Taking down the old one was a bitch too.
Thing I hate about home improvements is when you call a friend for advice and they have never done this either BUT they sure do give their opinion. All it cost me was $2.18 with 2 blown light bulbs and I fixed my wiring problem.
It works now. The Fiance was happy but this morning she rolls over and says "Your pole is too big" I always wondered how she could sleep with the broomstick in her back and she waited till now to complain. As I whiped the sleep crust out of my eyes I realized what she was talking about. The Down rod that I installed is 36" and the one we took down was 24" the shorter pole gives a larger dispursement of air. I always knew she was right - my pole is too big.

May have to wait till next Saturday for a fix.

8.47 Miles of Kudzu Later...

Kevin 1 - Kudzu 0
Goddammit... Kudzu is a BITCH.
Yesterday I was charged with clearing out the Kudzu out of the woods in our back yard. It was getting thick and we had about 6 or 7 vines coming down the hill, thru the juniper and into our backyard. I swear you could see this shit grow. These vines were menacing to look at too. It seemed as if you walked too close to them, they would wrap around your leg and drag you up into the juniper and rip your flesh off the bones...
I couldn't let that happen... NO Evil Dead shit going on in my backyard.
I put on jeans for the 1st time since February and my hiking boots and took the hatchet, Ax and big time pruning shears to the woods. I began by pulling up the vines to determine their origin. Of all the Kudzu I had 3 main rooting systems to tackle. I could tell that these were the same places I had cut the Kudzu from in the fall but they had sprouted new vines. I said, I'll fix your ass as I went and got the shovel... Well, my heart started pumping - blood pressure thumping (as the Bananarama song goes) and I tried to dig out these damn roots. Holy Shit. It wasn't going to happen. Kudzu is sooo green and stringy that the big ass pruning shears could not make a clean cut on the vines - it pinced between the blades. Fuckers. So cutting thru it with a shovel ain't gonna happen. The hatchet was ineffective as well, blade just bounced off the big roots BUT NOTHING can escape the Fiskar's AX. That is one bad motha!

Moral of the story is that I have one this battle but the war is definitely not over.

I officially hate all Kappa Sig's and the official plant of Georgia.

Damn Bulldogs!!!

I usually reserve this sentiment for the Georgia Bulldogs but this time it is directed at Mississippi St. Good game guys, ya'll beat us fair n square. Shitheads...

Gotta hand it to the Hillbillies!!!

Shit. Mississippi State wins game 1 of the Super Regionals 8 - 6. Moskos didn't take the loss but didn't help his signing bonus. Gave up 5 runs. They were hitting all over the place. Screw them. Game 2 tomorrow. Win or go home.

(That is a big ass stadium they have there -10,000 to watch College Baseball and chase after your sister.... Way to go Miss St.)

Passport? We don't need no stinking Passport...

Jesus. The Fiance applied for her passport on March 6, 2007. 12 weeks later, still no passport. We call the 800# and they canned answering machine message states "Sorry, we are very busy and unless you are needing your passport within the next 2 weeks we cannot assist you." Also... "we will not be able to expedite any passports unless they have exceeded the 12 week wait time." What the fuck is that all about. This is our government at work. How deep of a background check are they doing? Especially for the Fiance. A poor pink neck from Richmond Hill that has never broken a law in her life. She doesn't even speed fo Chrissakes! We've got time to wait but I don't like the fact that they can just put you on hold this long.

If my name was Muhamad Muhamad I could understand the wait. Luckily I got my passport in April 2001, thus before the Sept 11 crackdown.

What's so Funny about THAT???

Last night me and the Fiance were bored and there was nothing on TV so we rented BORAT from On Demand. Uhhhhh.... I don't get it. What was the uproar last year? It really wasn't that funny. A mock documentary? Bad editing job - when he gets interviewed on TV, that was in Mississippi, then they went backwards and went to Atlanta. 60% of Americans should have recognized this! The funniest parts were when he and Azmat wrestled naked - that's gross. And when the went to the Bed and Breakfast and the owners were Jewish and late that night they thought the Jews had shape shifted and turned into cockroaches - they threw money at the roaches to get away from them.
Jewish humor - Ha, its funny but not that funny.

What I do think is FUNNY:

1. I think it's hilarious what is happening to Michelle Wei - after playing in all these men's tournaments, the women are turning on her. She "illegally" withdrew from a tournament because if you shoot >88 in an event you cannot play on the LPGA for a year - her agent had her quit on the 16 hole in S.C. and that shit is funny.
2. Billy Donovan - the backflipper... What a fucking idiot. I think this situation is Hilarious. Dumbass. Orlando ought to string his ass up! He knows the Fla team is not going to be near as good next year. Now he HAS to stay in Gainsville, or at least not in the NBA, for 5 more years. Good for him to be forced to stay with the Jean Shorts and Gold Chain faithful.
3. The whole Michael Vick thing never ceases to amaze me. He gets busted. Immediately denies responsibility. He sells the house for well below Market Value. He blasts his family. The house gets broken into - how did they steal his stuff if he sold the house weeks ago? If I were Mike I would build a Basketball court over the site where all the dogs are buried. He is going down but I think the Feds want him to out everyone else involved. Vick should have blamed everything on his brother - who wouldn't believe that scumbag isn't responsible. Bye Bye Vick.
4. Turning 40 has been funny. I am definitely NOT the same person.
5. My friend Corn just quit his good food job and has jobbed on with the Death Star. What??? Why??? Everyone is getting the hell out of there, why go into that hell hole? It's funny, I hope the force is with him.
6. Planning the Bachelor Party has been a constant source of amusement. So far 7 guys on 1 plane to NY and others will be coming from other locations. Should be fun.
7. It's funny that I am seeing Morrissey 3 nights in a row. Funny may not be the right word, gay may be a better word. I don't care. Birmingham, ATL and Myrtle Beach yee haw.
8. I think its funny that I have committed to losing weight before the wedding - what the fuck do I know about losing weight. I spent 30+ years trying to gain weight - now I have no problem gaining weight.
9. It's funny that I have all kinds of Home Improvement projects stacking up in the garage BUT have no motivation to get them done. Talk about stepping outside the comfort zone. Electricity, tile work, scaffolding, carpentry trim work - Jesus.
10. It's funny the Yankees SUCK...
11. It's funny and not funny that the NCAA was put in the worst case scenario in the College Baseball Super Regionals. Both Clemson and Mississippi won their regional series and are bracketed to play each other. Where were they going to play it? In S.C. or Miss.? Both states have been embroiled in NCAA Sanctions because of the Confederate Flag. What's not funny is they chose Miss St. Fuck them. We had 41 wins, they had 36. We were a #2 seed and they were a #3 seed in the Regional. They still got it - rednecks! Our only reprieve is that Mississippi is 1/2 way to Omaha...
12. It's funny that more people probably watched the NCAA Softball National Championship game than watched the Stanley Cup game.
13. It's funny that I used to HATE Rolling Stone magazine and now I read it "almost" cover to cover. I skip the Rap and Politics pieces but they have good articles. Maybe I should get Playboy.
14. It's funny that 2 potentially horrific Terror Plots have been foiled - Ft. Dix and JFK airport, and President Bush gets NO positive press for our intelligence efforts. The Dems would have rather let these attacks take place and then blame the white house.
15. I think its funny that I only know a token few people that are outwardly upset with the War and the President. Everyone else I know is supportive. Would everyone like it to be going better -YES, does anyone want to cut and run - NO... Drives me crazy.
16. All the bullshit about David Beckham is killing me. England had written him off after the last World Cup, saying he was too old (32) and washed up. Well, what do you know - he has had 3 assists in the last 2 games and has been instrumental in their wins. He could be could be like a DH in baseball, only out there for free kicks but he is the best in the world. Why the hell is he coming to America. No matter what he does here the MLS won't catch on.
17. Same scenario with Michael Owen. He was benched in the World Cup for a 6'9" freak, Crouch. England needs to develop a 4-3-3 scenario and have Crouch, Rooney AND Owen on the front line. Owen, at 27, was considered washed up too but with his last goal has moved into #3 in goals for England in International matches. Give the guy a break. Now he could come to America - take over the MLS - and solidify a spot on the English National Team.

These are just a few of my views - I trust my sense of humor is still in tact.